Super Friends

These past few weeks have been hard and good at the same time. But what surprized me was that people noticed something wrong. Even people I was not close to - “Parang may iba sayo, hindi ka naman ganyan”. Some were just looking for chismis but others were genuinely concerned. They actually amazed me…apparently I had a lot of good people around me. So I started opening up to them one by one and before I knew it I was feeling better. They were willing to listen and actually put me in my place.

I was also surprised at how some friends judged. But I couldn’t blame them…apparently they are “women in the park”.

I am happier now and somehow people see it…hey! maybe im fixing myself na. The only problem is I can't slack of at work anymore "because of personal problems". Haha!

5 more pounds to go!!!

Happy Birthday to me...

I just had the best birthday weekend ever! 3 days of celebrating...It started of at midnight of the 23rd with my 2 bestest and most reliable friends in the world. The only 2 friends whose happiness I would put ahead of mine. This triumvirate ROCKS!!! I love you both...although now one more than the other...hehe!

I went to work on my birthday. It was a little quiet at first but when I went around to announce my bday, greetings started coming. HAHA! Can't just wait around for what you want right? The day ended with a lot of Indian food at Vaguelandia...SO BUSOG!!!

Then on the 24th we had the best bday party ever, thanks to ivy, - the best bdaymate in the world!!! It was the most stress-free celebration I’ve ever been involved in. The food was good and didn't run out and the drinks were more than enough. Even better, we were well below budget. I don't think I will ever have a party catered again...as long as kasama ko si Ivy magcelebrate.

Got all warm and fuzzy inside when I realized how many friends I had. It might have been the food or the drinks but I’m sure they were there for us as well...hehe! It was really nice to see old and new friends...specially at a time like this. Parang I want to throw another one just for the heck of it:-) Thanks soulfriend for always being there...and thanks to everyone who came:-)

The weekend ended with 5 Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts, coffee, a sushi buffet, and a Woody Allen movie at Vaguelandia. I could not ask for anything more. ..well maybe I could but for now…I am happy:-)

Just feel like whining...

So much to do: projects to finish, projects to start, meetings to attend, bills to pay, emails to read, papers quickly piling up, yet I’m blogging…hehe!!!

Need sleep, need a drink!

Moving forward…

There is nothing like taking a break from your life, and if you are lucky enough escape to another place where things are as you hoped they would be, even for a few days. I’m back at work now, totally distracted but totally motivated to move forward. There is much to fix but much to look forward to. Will get there one day…

On a lighter note…I love the first world. The weather is cool and everything seems to work well. But there is also much to love about the Philippines - the beach, P50 lunches, San Mig Light, Tanduay Superior, friendly beautiful people, and Makati (the center of the universe). Its good to be home but I can’t wait to travel again.

Brand New Colony

Woohoo!!! Tomorrow we leave for Lalaland:-) Far away from the cynics…where everything will be as I hoped it were. I know its temporary, I know it’s a form of escape…but I’ll take it:-)

Bi-Polar Personality

Extremes of happiness and sadness. This roller coaster of emotions is foreign to me. I used to be such a stable guy. I have never felt more alive…but I do need to find balance.
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My officemates, friends and family have noticed something different about me. They ask if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. My common answer…”If you really want to find out – buy me a drink”.
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My birthday is coming up and I will be entering my late 30’s…don’t feel old though. I’m not sure if a celebration is in order given my current situation however, there will definitely be drinking involved.

Envy

I wish I had what you had. Would I have been better? I don’t know but I wish I had what you had.

I want…

…a ref full of san mig light
…an endless supply of Mild Seven Lights
…a Mac Book Pro
…a Bose home entertainment system
…an empty inbox at work
…to fix my room
…a Cannadian visa
…more money
…to travel
…a vacation
…to stop snoring
…a Harley (or Honda Steed)
…liposuction
…talent
…a time machine
…Popie to stay
…to be satisfied
…CREDIBILITY!!!
…to be everything to you…if you just let me

DAMN IT!!! BE A MAN!!!

Ignorance is bliss

Why can’t life be simpler? Why does it seem other people handle life maters better then me? I don’t think I’m a complicated person. I don’t think my needs are extraordinary. But why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why must I have more?

Why do I think too much? Am I in denial? I am afraid…

This is a weird place to be. Need another drink…

Conclusion: All those self-help books have not helped. Those writers know jack shit!

Good people do bad things

If there is one thing that the past few days has taught me it’s that people will judge you regardless, hindsight is always clearer and there are many things that should have been done differently. However, one regret is the collateral damage. People who get hurt because of your actions. Point the gun at my head nalang sana.

People always surprise you, in good ways and in bad. Friends are reliable and sometimes friends disappoint but as a “wise man” once said “people are not their weakest moments”. It’s so easy to judge on the basis of one act…but that’s not necessarily what defines you. Shouldn’t it be the good things and the bad?

People have been calling her a bitch (even herself) and maybe she is, sometimes. But she is also a caring, nurturing and a loyal (yes, loyal) person. “People are not their weakest moments”…good people once in a while do bad things, friends once in a while disappoint, nice people are sometimes bad, and people will always surprise you. She is a warrior but I will always have her back…so leave her alone…point the gun at me – I’m the prick.

The best lessons in life are learned the hard way. And one more cliché - there are always 2 sides to a story.

I am definitely less judgmental now.

Bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do…

“I followed all the rules – of God and of Man but they loved you more” – This is my favorite line from Legends of the fall. I’m sure anyone who watched this movie liked Tristan (Brad Pitt) better than Alfred (Aidan Quin) even though Tristan was the asshole. Bad boys are reckless and selfish, but more passionate and seem to live life to the fullest. Good boys are boring. But I was always the good boy, always followed the rules…and I think I still do. But I have done a really bad thing…and I know I will pay for it.

I never really believed I was a nice guy. It’s just what people think of me. In fact I was never comfortable with that perception because I know it was / is a lie. But I like to do nice things. People insisted I couldn’t pull off the bad boy thing…well I sure showed them…in the worst possible way. I hurt a lot of people, but worst of all I hurt the one person who really believed and loved me because I was the good boy. I will always regret hurting her, especially the way I did it…and I believe I deserve everything that comes to me… I never expected to get away with it. I guess the catholic in me wants to be punished for my sins…it will not make things better but maybe earn me a little redemption.

Sorry is never enough

I just broke the heart of a beautiful person. People are more jaded now because of me, and all I can say is sorry. There are just things that you can’t undo or make up for. “There is no easy way to break up with someone but there is always a decent way”…I wish I did it the decent way, I wish time travel were possible. I know I will pay for this…in this life or the next. Karma will have its way…and I deserve whatever comes my way. But she is definitely better off without me, they all are. This in not self-pity it is the truth.

I am not in a good place now and I fear the repercussions but when the walls come down you can’t just lay there in the rubble…you have to rebuild.