Reality Bites!

Well, got my first meralco bill. And apparently my lifestyle is expensive. The question is do I embrance these middle class values or do I resist and find other ways...HAY!

Dilema

Can't wait to leave the office today to - of all things, buy a Toaster. Hehe! How domestic! Been having so much fun fixing my place I'm not even thinking of how to pay the bills yet. I think what I am really trying to do is bring the Sanlo feeling to my new home. And its working! Especially with the just recent installation of my very own bidet...hehe! Anyway, I'm just watching the clock on my computer count to 6:00pm so I can leave to buy the finishing touches - a toaster and sugar.

So should I waste this time looking at spreadsheets or blogging? Hmmmmm...

and we have take off...

So after 36 years I've finally move out of my Father's house. Mark the day - August 18, 2007. The day my dad became a bachelor again. He must be the happiest perzone. I texted him the other day to thank him and promise that I will invite him over to cook for him and he replied with a very fatherly "Welcome. Enjoy the challenge"...HAHA!!!

Most of the long weekend I spent with DSJ discussing what to do with my stuff, where to put other stuff, what stuff to purge and what stuff to buy. Its really hard moving from a bigger house to a small 39 sq mt. condo unit, but in fairness to my baby and I we did it and we even managed, believe it or not, A "WALK-IN CLOSET" HAHAHA!!!

So far its been fun. I love the sureal feeling of leaving for work, then crossing the street, and 2 seconds later i'm at the office na. I also love coming home without having to drive or break a sweat. To top it all of...i really love being able to come home for lunch (c/o DSJ cooking - hehe!).

My stress now is the monthly bills. I've paid them before but my greatest fear is MERALCO. kasi naman I need my aircon. Pero bahala na...anyway sabi nga sa Endo "God will provide" hehe!

So much fun! I actually thing I've lost weight from the move:-)

Need to travel more...

My Lakbayan grade is C+!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

C+ lang ako.

Soon...

I will post something. Soon.

Priorities

So much to do...Work and personal stuff. Right now, I have 6 work projects and 4 personal projects I have to attend to and it seems multi-tasking is a skill I am seriously lacking in. Also, I have ADD so I can't seem to focus on just one thing right now. Gusto ko na mag 5PM! Because of all things I am good at, it's leaving work at the office. Once I shut off my computer, my brain automatically sets aside work related thoughts.

So much to do...plus DSJ tagged me pa...pero aminin ko na - that really what I want to do, but don't have the time...so I blog nalang first, then have a cig, then a snack, then hopefully 5 na.

Gov't Agencies

Do they really know what they are doing? Puro patch work. Trying to solve problems with regulations that cause more problems. Then enforcing regulations only in the beginning. Ok sana pero kami lang ang sumusunod eh!

Then again...do I really know what I'm doing. Hee!

Sorry no details...Boring insurance stuff.

On Old Friends

Had dinner last Saturday with my teacher group from La Salle. It surprised me how much I missed them. Anyway, we got to talking about how the older we get the less interested we are in aquiring new friends and the more we value old ones. This is true for me also, so when I do meet new people who become good friends I consider that a bonus. So I thank the universe for all that has happened and wait with anticipation for what is in store for me next.

On another topic, I think my adiction to TV is cured. Last night while channel surfing I came across some of my favorite shows. The ones that kept me up all night and prevented me from doing more productive stuff. I actually got board and shut the TV off to fix my room. GALING:-) Maybe my adictive energies are focused on other stuff. I still look forward to JOFAR though.

I'm feeling good about life...taking a major step soon...all is good. A little anxious about getting there. Still need to find motivation for work though.

Cranial Hyperhydrosis

My neck hurts, bit my tougue while chewing gum, and my head sweats too much. My body is reacting to my stress. I didn't realize that even just thinking of moving out could be stressful. Need a vacation:-) hehe!

Indoor Plumbing

This most stressful work week reached its peak, Tuesday when I got a call from my maid..."Cayi! Napotolan tayo ng tobig". I forgot to pay the Water bill! Kakahiya! Sanlo pa naman. "My Dad's gonna kill me!". Its one of the few bills I take care of at home...nakalimutan ko pa. Anyway, I rush home after work to check the sistern (it was full, phew!). So I pay the bill then call to have it reconected. To my think there is enough water for one more day. Wednesday, I get home..."Cayi! wala parin tobig!" and the sistern was 1/3 full, or 2/3s empty (depending on how you look at it). "day! wag ka munang maglaba at maligo ha" Haha! how mean...but my fathers wrath was formost on my mind. When my dad came home I pretended like nothing was wrong. Thursday, I take the shortest shower in the world, and hold my bowels till I get to the office...hehe! Praying to God that my dad dosen't run out of water while shampooing...Thoughts of that 80's commercial kept playing on my mind - "TUBIG!!!". DSJ suggested "tell him na!"...but I still felt I could get away with it if the water guy came that day. In the middle of my seminar I take a break to call the house..."ok na cayi"...suddenly the clouds parted, the sky turned bright and the world was right again:-)

I love indoor plumbing and I really need to move out na...

What to do, what to do...

...with my life. The worst feeling for me would be that this is the most that I can /could achieve. Ever since graduating from College the question I’ve been asking myself is what is my purpose, what should I do with life. Now I ask myself…there must be more than this. Of course now these questions only apply to career.

I want to be significant, successful, I don’t want to be caught up in this day to day grind. There must be more to this life…than just working for a living…

Or maybe i'm just not in the mood to work today or maybe its the HEAT! my sweat glands are tired na!...haaayyyy!!!

Leaving Vaguelandia

Funny how your profile on Friendster is somewhat the official declaration of your status. Hehe! Well for those of you who have been checking us out...KAMI NA:-) Our Vaguelandia vacation is over and I'm excited for what's ahead. If possible i'd like to take Lalaland with us though. WOOHOO!!! This is going to be a fun ride:-)

If you don't like mush...stop reading here.

With all the little credibility i have left let me just say that you are the most amazing person I know and I adore you to death. Trust me...this is going to work:-)

Shaping up in 2007

I bumped into a good friend the other day who knew about what had happened earlier this year. Amazing this person. We spoke briefly about how what I did was understandable and how everything will all turn out better for everyone in the end. It really boils down to making the choices that are right for you and living with it. This encounter really lifted my spirits and made me think about how things are shaping up and how I actually have much to be thankful for.

Anyway…

Despite a rather tumultuous start, 2007 seems to be making a turn for the better. I hope this realization doesn’t jinx it but I feel the need to be thankful for a lot of things. My office inbox is now down to 300 (from 1350), my projects at work are making progress, my room looks clean and organized, although all I really did was move my clutter to the other room, I’m down to 167lbs. (Only 12lbs to go to reach my ideal weight), and the weather in Vagulandia is the best its ever been. All I need now is more time and money.

Still a lot of plans for the year - moving out, travel, visit Mom, save money, pay loans, work on my 100 things to do list…all exciting and fun things. I’m watching less TV and living more.

I hope I can keep this up.

Sick in the Head...

Feeling extra mushy today, can't help it...so I privately break out in song:

Free In You
(Indigo girls)

A hard knock
A cold clock
Ticking off my time
A long look
But no luck
Couldn't seem to find
Or unwind
Into peace of mind
While I was trying

A quick glance
A big chance
My heart beat like a drum
I saw you
And I knew
Chances just don't come
Round again
Not like this
First a laugh
Then a kiss

And I'm free in you
I've got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you

The lost time
And self pride
Are my big mistakes
A clear voice
A bad choice
Sounding like an ache
In my day
Not too bad
But too real
To go away

But now I'm free in you
I've got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you

And I don't know
How you show
Such gentle disregard
For the ugly in me
That I see
That for so long
I took so hard
(I took so hard)
And I truly believe
(I truly believe)
That you see the best in me
(That you see the best in me)
I'm in love
We all love
And that thought
Sets me free

Free in you
Got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you
Yes I'm free in you

-----------------------------

Frightening this happiness...

Super Friends

These past few weeks have been hard and good at the same time. But what surprized me was that people noticed something wrong. Even people I was not close to - “Parang may iba sayo, hindi ka naman ganyan”. Some were just looking for chismis but others were genuinely concerned. They actually amazed me…apparently I had a lot of good people around me. So I started opening up to them one by one and before I knew it I was feeling better. They were willing to listen and actually put me in my place.

I was also surprised at how some friends judged. But I couldn’t blame them…apparently they are “women in the park”.

I am happier now and somehow people see it…hey! maybe im fixing myself na. The only problem is I can't slack of at work anymore "because of personal problems". Haha!

5 more pounds to go!!!

Happy Birthday to me...

I just had the best birthday weekend ever! 3 days of celebrating...It started of at midnight of the 23rd with my 2 bestest and most reliable friends in the world. The only 2 friends whose happiness I would put ahead of mine. This triumvirate ROCKS!!! I love you both...although now one more than the other...hehe!

I went to work on my birthday. It was a little quiet at first but when I went around to announce my bday, greetings started coming. HAHA! Can't just wait around for what you want right? The day ended with a lot of Indian food at Vaguelandia...SO BUSOG!!!

Then on the 24th we had the best bday party ever, thanks to ivy, - the best bdaymate in the world!!! It was the most stress-free celebration I’ve ever been involved in. The food was good and didn't run out and the drinks were more than enough. Even better, we were well below budget. I don't think I will ever have a party catered again...as long as kasama ko si Ivy magcelebrate.

Got all warm and fuzzy inside when I realized how many friends I had. It might have been the food or the drinks but I’m sure they were there for us as well...hehe! It was really nice to see old and new friends...specially at a time like this. Parang I want to throw another one just for the heck of it:-) Thanks soulfriend for always being there...and thanks to everyone who came:-)

The weekend ended with 5 Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts, coffee, a sushi buffet, and a Woody Allen movie at Vaguelandia. I could not ask for anything more. ..well maybe I could but for now…I am happy:-)

Just feel like whining...

So much to do: projects to finish, projects to start, meetings to attend, bills to pay, emails to read, papers quickly piling up, yet I’m blogging…hehe!!!

Need sleep, need a drink!

Moving forward…

There is nothing like taking a break from your life, and if you are lucky enough escape to another place where things are as you hoped they would be, even for a few days. I’m back at work now, totally distracted but totally motivated to move forward. There is much to fix but much to look forward to. Will get there one day…

On a lighter note…I love the first world. The weather is cool and everything seems to work well. But there is also much to love about the Philippines - the beach, P50 lunches, San Mig Light, Tanduay Superior, friendly beautiful people, and Makati (the center of the universe). Its good to be home but I can’t wait to travel again.

Brand New Colony

Woohoo!!! Tomorrow we leave for Lalaland:-) Far away from the cynics…where everything will be as I hoped it were. I know its temporary, I know it’s a form of escape…but I’ll take it:-)

Bi-Polar Personality

Extremes of happiness and sadness. This roller coaster of emotions is foreign to me. I used to be such a stable guy. I have never felt more alive…but I do need to find balance.
_______________________________________

My officemates, friends and family have noticed something different about me. They ask if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. My common answer…”If you really want to find out – buy me a drink”.
_______________________________________

My birthday is coming up and I will be entering my late 30’s…don’t feel old though. I’m not sure if a celebration is in order given my current situation however, there will definitely be drinking involved.

Envy

I wish I had what you had. Would I have been better? I don’t know but I wish I had what you had.

I want…

…a ref full of san mig light
…an endless supply of Mild Seven Lights
…a Mac Book Pro
…a Bose home entertainment system
…an empty inbox at work
…to fix my room
…a Cannadian visa
…more money
…to travel
…a vacation
…to stop snoring
…a Harley (or Honda Steed)
…liposuction
…talent
…a time machine
…Popie to stay
…to be satisfied
…CREDIBILITY!!!
…to be everything to you…if you just let me

DAMN IT!!! BE A MAN!!!

Ignorance is bliss

Why can’t life be simpler? Why does it seem other people handle life maters better then me? I don’t think I’m a complicated person. I don’t think my needs are extraordinary. But why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why must I have more?

Why do I think too much? Am I in denial? I am afraid…

This is a weird place to be. Need another drink…

Conclusion: All those self-help books have not helped. Those writers know jack shit!

Good people do bad things

If there is one thing that the past few days has taught me it’s that people will judge you regardless, hindsight is always clearer and there are many things that should have been done differently. However, one regret is the collateral damage. People who get hurt because of your actions. Point the gun at my head nalang sana.

People always surprise you, in good ways and in bad. Friends are reliable and sometimes friends disappoint but as a “wise man” once said “people are not their weakest moments”. It’s so easy to judge on the basis of one act…but that’s not necessarily what defines you. Shouldn’t it be the good things and the bad?

People have been calling her a bitch (even herself) and maybe she is, sometimes. But she is also a caring, nurturing and a loyal (yes, loyal) person. “People are not their weakest moments”…good people once in a while do bad things, friends once in a while disappoint, nice people are sometimes bad, and people will always surprise you. She is a warrior but I will always have her back…so leave her alone…point the gun at me – I’m the prick.

The best lessons in life are learned the hard way. And one more cliché - there are always 2 sides to a story.

I am definitely less judgmental now.

Bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do…

“I followed all the rules – of God and of Man but they loved you more” – This is my favorite line from Legends of the fall. I’m sure anyone who watched this movie liked Tristan (Brad Pitt) better than Alfred (Aidan Quin) even though Tristan was the asshole. Bad boys are reckless and selfish, but more passionate and seem to live life to the fullest. Good boys are boring. But I was always the good boy, always followed the rules…and I think I still do. But I have done a really bad thing…and I know I will pay for it.

I never really believed I was a nice guy. It’s just what people think of me. In fact I was never comfortable with that perception because I know it was / is a lie. But I like to do nice things. People insisted I couldn’t pull off the bad boy thing…well I sure showed them…in the worst possible way. I hurt a lot of people, but worst of all I hurt the one person who really believed and loved me because I was the good boy. I will always regret hurting her, especially the way I did it…and I believe I deserve everything that comes to me… I never expected to get away with it. I guess the catholic in me wants to be punished for my sins…it will not make things better but maybe earn me a little redemption.

Sorry is never enough

I just broke the heart of a beautiful person. People are more jaded now because of me, and all I can say is sorry. There are just things that you can’t undo or make up for. “There is no easy way to break up with someone but there is always a decent way”…I wish I did it the decent way, I wish time travel were possible. I know I will pay for this…in this life or the next. Karma will have its way…and I deserve whatever comes my way. But she is definitely better off without me, they all are. This in not self-pity it is the truth.

I am not in a good place now and I fear the repercussions but when the walls come down you can’t just lay there in the rubble…you have to rebuild.

A train wreck waiting to happen

So far I have been successful at only half my 2007 mantra…the play hard part. This balancing act is proving harder than I thought. Will power and discipline are not abundant in me…

Well at the very least its going to be an exciting ride…


To push me I made a bet with Popie that I will loose 20lbs by March 31...Pops, if you reading this...YOU'RE GOING DOWN MAN!!!

Goodbye sugar, goodbye carbs, goodbye TJ Hotdogs...

What is ADD of topics?

ON POETS, SONGWRITERS AND BLOGGERS
I envy how poets and songwriters can capture in a sentence what would take me a whole night of drinking to express. Kakainis how they can put words together and people just know what they mean. Maybe Psychology just made my views too technical I forgot the feeling part.

ON CHANGE AND FINDING THE SILVER LINING
Many things going on…many experiences, new and old…change is inevitable…accept it. I love jaded people. Maybe because I’m secretly one. It’s just important for my sanity to stay positive and optimistic about the future. Maybe because if I tried looking at the half empty glass I might just give up.

ON MIDDLE CLASS VALUES
I want to learn more...

ON "CLARK GABLE" BY POSTAL SERVICE
“I want so badly to believe that;
there is truth, that love is real;
and I want life in every word to the extent
that it's absurd
i know you're wise beyond your years, but
do you ever get the Feel
that your perfect verse is just a lie
you tell yourself to help you get by “

Life is good…people are beautiful…I am happy…to my think

Contrast is good

On finding your Passion

Before I start this entry please note that I have changed the title of my blog. I like this better.

Anyway,

Got a mouthfull about "passion" from my Dad the other day. I guess he wants to see the same kind of “fire” in me that he had when he was my age. Then the next day Corinne asked me “what are you passionate about ba?”… ahhhhh? You’d think someone in his mid 30's should have a straight answer.

All I had were more questions. What is Passion nga ba? Why don’t I feel it, or do I? How do you know its passion? Is it really necessary? I love talking to Popie and Corinne about these things. It’s really "our" thing. I think we feed off each other’s thoughts or energy or something. Anyhoo, there were no real resolutions except that Corinne has Passion ADD, Popie has Career ADD, and I just have ADD.

But in fairness, I did some contemplating and this is what I think I know or have decided to believe about Passion:
1) I have felt passion. I know what it feels like for my thoughts to be consumed by only one person or only one activity or even a gadget I want (passion parin yun diba?). Besides I am Mr. Overkill.
2) The object of passion is not necessarily found by chance…it can also be chosen (I felt empowered by this realization)
3) I have not found / chosen my passion in life but I have decided not to wait. 2007 will be about actively finding or choosing whatever it is. Deadline: December 2007 Blog

In the meantime, I am reminded about this quote I saw in an insurance office wall – Advice from a veteran trapeze performer “Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow”… I really like that. All I need to do now is choose the bar and tell my friends I’m going over - in case my hands slip.

NAKS!!! LALIM!!!…tama na ito…need to go find some passion in insurance…

Pahabol lang...I was just about to publish when my ipod played Galileo serendipitously (haha! did i spell that right):

Corinne, paquote ng indigo Girls ha -
"if we wait for the time till all souls get it right
then at least I know there'll be no nuclear annihilation
in my lifetime" haha! consuelo de bobo. Good luck nalang to my next life.

Day 1

Day 1 of this blog also marks the end of one of the most special holiday seasons in my life. I was prepared for the usual December activities but because of an incredible group of people it turned out to be full of amazing experiences. The Chums are the coolest bunch of nerds I have ever met and I can’t wait to see more of you in 2007.

Gidge is still abroad and this will be our second consecutive Christmas apart (I hate how it is so hard to get an American visa. Anyway, the dyslexic digresses…) but my savior from loneliness this year was Corinne…MUSHFEAST 2K6!!! The ever-reliable Pops was there also but we gave him chance to work and be a student.

The season ended with a short roadtrip to Tagaytay with Popie, Corinne and Mac…we ate crispy pata, bulalo, sisig and laing, talked about life (us looking back at the past and Mac looking ahead)…and typical of us not knowing when to quit while we were ahead, we decided to squeeze everything we could out of the time left and watch Zsa Zsa Zathurna. It was an anti-climactic way to end the season of love but I’ll take every single second possible with them.

Christmas 2006 is over and 2007 begins for me in a few hours when I report for work again, but I am no longer sad because I know 2007 will be an incredible year and you will read all about it here…

2007 MANTRA: WORK HARDER AND PLAY HARDEST!!!